XOXO Elizabeth: Open Letter to the girls who bullied me
So I have seen some of these posts and I thought they were a great idea...And October is also National Bullying Prevention Month. So I have my own today. This one honestly is for me. I mean I feel like from this I will have a lot of closure. So here we go.
An Open Letter to the Girls who bullied me,
I want to say a few things to you. I'm writing to you but I don't even know if you realize who you are. You probably didn't even look at yourself as a bully. This is to the ones who made fun of me for being too fat, for being too short, for not having the right clothes. The ones who made me feel bad for being myself. The ones who made middle school and good bit of high school miserable. All I want to say to you is "Thank you."
It took me forever to actually realize that I was bullied. I didn't realize it until the past year or two. I was watching my little sister get picked on and all I could think about was when I went through something similar. She went to a counselor at that time and they kept saying the word "bully." I thought about how I had never done anything to you but yet you still hated me. It took me awhile, but I realized that's what you and your friends were.
Middle school was bad for everyone, don't get me wrong. But I was miserable. I remember it all like it was yesterday. I was over weight, had poofy curly hair, glasses and a straightener that only half worked. I was an oddball who loved the library, and hated gym. OH GYM. haha It was the first time we started to change in front of each other. That was a "good time." I remember getting boobs in 6th grade and you and your friends told everyone that I stuffed my bra. And for a 6th grader that's obviously the most traumatic thing...ever. Then another time, I heard a rumor that I was a lesbian. If you knew me at all, you knew that couldn't be true because I believed I was married to Jesse McCartney and Zac Efron. (I didn't say that I was normal. HAHAH) It got to the point eventually where I would come home crying from school everyday and dreaded going to school every morning. And then 7th grade rolled around. I got tired of it being pounded in my head by you and your friends and even adults at this point that I was fat. I had many other factors in this but I just stopped eating. Fast forward a couple months and I was the lowest weight I have ever been. I was the lowest in my self esteem. I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. And when your friends started pointing out how much weight I had lost, you started teased me for being too skinny. That's when I realized, I could never win with you. I realized I had to start making myself happy. And that's what I strived to do. Throughout high school, there would be times when we would repeat the rumors and bullying. But then, it didn't get in my head near as much.
So again, Thank you. So much. Because of you and your friends, I am the person I am today. Thank you for helping me love myself. Thank you for helping me find so much joy. Today I am so happy. You helped me realize all those things you said to me, weren't true. That I am valuable. I saw you the other day because of the small town we live in. You smiled and I smiled back. And even though you may not ever read this and it might not mean anything to you, I want you to know that I forgive you. I forgive you for everything. I pray for you and your friends every day. We both were in middle and high school and that had to be an uncomfortable for all of us. I honestly hope that you are so happy today, I really do.